And this breaking into attributes turns out not to be very informative. So he decided to set up a website that could better deliver what people want to know about each other before they become attracted.
His model was real dates. If you and I went out, and we went somewhere, I would look at how you react to the outside world. What music you like, what you don't like, what kind of pictures you like, how do you react to other people, what do you do in the restaurant. And through all these kind of non-explicit aspects, I will learn something about you. His online system gave visitors an avatar with which to explore a virtual space. It wasn't about where you went to school and what's your religion; it was about something else, and it turns out it gave people much more information about each other, and they were much more likely to want to meet each other for a first date and for a second date.
Badiou found the opposite problem with online sites: The septuagenarian Hegelian philosopher writes in his book of being in the world capital of romance Paris and everywhere coming across posters for Meetic , which styles itself as Europe's leading online dating agency. Badiou worried that the site was offering the equivalent of car insurance: But love isn't like that, he complains. Love is, for him, about adventure and risk, not security and comfort.
But, as he recognises, in modern liberal society this is an unwelcome thought: And I think it's a philosophical task, among others, to defend it. Across Paris, Kaufmann is of a similar mind.
Free Essay: Online Dating Some people today feel they cannot meet someone in their everyday lives so they turn to the internet to find a prospective partner. Essay Online Dating. Words 6 Pages. The technology nowadays has an influence on our lives, it has affected everything in it. When this technological.
He believes that in the new millennium a new leisure activity emerged. It was called sex and we'd never had it so good.
Basically, sex had become a very ordinary activity that had nothing to do with the terrible fears and thrilling transgressions of the past. All they needed to do was sign up, pay a modest fee getting a date costs less than going to see a film , write a blog or use a social networking site. Nothing could be easier.
In a sense, though, sex and love are opposites. One is something that could but perhaps shouldn't be exchanged for money or non-financial favours; the other is that which resists being reduced to economic parameters. The problem is that we want both, often at the same time, without realising that they are not at all the same thing. And online dating intensifies that confusion. Kaufmann argues that in the new world of speed dating, online dating and social networking, the overwhelming idea is to have short, sharp engagements that involve minimal commitment and maximal pleasure.
In this, he follows the Leeds-based sociologist Zygmunt Bauman , who proposed the metaphor of "liquid love" to characterise how we form connections in the digital age. It's easier to break with a Facebook friend than a real friend; the work of a split second to delete a mobile-phone contact.
In his book Liquid Love, Bauman wrote that we "liquid moderns" cannot commit to relationships and have few kinship ties.
We incessantly have to use our skills, wits and dedication to create provisional bonds that are loose enough to stop suffocation, but tight enough to give a needed sense of security now that the traditional sources of solace family, career, loving relationships are less reliable than ever. And online dating offers just such chances for us to have fast and furious sexual relationships in which commitment is a no-no and yet quantity and quality can be positively rather than inversely related.
After a while, Kaufmann has found, those who use online dating sites become disillusioned. But all-pervasive cynicism and utilitarianism eventually sicken anyone who has any sense of human decency. When the players become too cold and detached, nothing good can come of it.
He also comes across online addicts who can't move from digital flirting to real dates and others shocked that websites, which they had sought out as refuges from the judgmental cattle-market of real-life interactions, are just as cruel and unforgiving — perhaps more so. Online dating has also become a terrain for a new — and often upsetting — gender struggle.
Men have exercised that right for millennia. But women's exercise of that right, Kaufmann argues, gets exploited by the worst kind of men. The want a 'real man', a male who asserts himself and even what they call 'bad boys'. So the gentle guys, who believed themselves to have responded to the demands of women, don't understand why they are rejected. But frequently, after this sequence, these women are quickly disappointed. After a period of saturation, they come to think: The disappointing experience of online dating, Kaufmann argues, is partly explained because we want conflicting things from it: Worse, the things we want change as we experience them: Maybe, he suggests, we could remove the conflicts and human love could evolve to a new level.
Or if 'love' sounds too off-putting, for a little affection, for a little attentiveness to our partners, given they are human beings and not just sex objects. This is the new philosopher's stone — an alchemical mingling of two opposites, sex and love. Kaufman's utopia, then, involves a new concept he calls tentatively LoveSex which sounds like an old Prince album, but let's not hold that against him.
Kaufmann suggests that we have to reverse out of the cul de sac of sex for sex's sake and recombine it with love once more to make our experiences less chilly but also less clouded by romantic illusions. Because the site's algorithm is programed to connect you with people of similar interests, if you buy into a theory like "opposites attract," you might very well miss out on your perfect mate. In addition, it may be difficult for you to find a dating site in your area that meets your personal criteria.
Some may be too expensive or, if the site is free, does not have enough members for you to choose from in your small town. While special interest dating sites like FarmersOnly. Regardless of your preferences, don't give in and settle. Because online dating is easily accessible, anyone can use the forum to be whomever they want to be.
Most online dating sites do not require proof of information and if they do, it might be limited to very basic facts. As a result, the person who interests you may be falsifying information such physical attributes, relationship status or job status on his profile, according to Catalina Toma and her colleagues at Cornell University in their article "Examination of Deceptive Self-Presentation in Online Dating Profiles" published on the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
Keep this in mind as you consider potential mates you meet on online dating sites. Online dating doesn't allow you to talk with your potential date on the phone or in person. When you are able to do this in more traditional dating settings, you can often immediately determine if you have a personal connection with this individual. Email or texting isn't the same as hearing and seeing the individual on a first date.
To combat this, consider meeting someone in a public location, but avoid this until you have communicated with that person long enough to feel comfortable with that individual. If you are an older adult, you may be at a unique disadvantage in the world of online dating. Older adults seeking online relationships, especially women, may be at a disadvantage because of competition with younger women that may not exist outside the setting of online dating, reports Summer McWilliams and Anne E.
Safety must be at the forefront of your mind, both when giving personal information to individuals you don't know and if you choose to meet a potential mate in person. Never give out information over the internet that you wouldn't give to someone on a first date, such as financial information or your address. If you choose to meet a date out in public, always tell someone who you are with, where you are going and what time you expect to be home.
Based in Texas, Lucie Westminster has been a writer and researcher since She holds a Ph. A woman holding a hot cup of tea while smiling at her computer screen.